Under Control

Every time I meet a new woman, I find it harder and harder not to notice small peculiarities that remind me of women I've been with before. In some cases, the resemblances may be good, but in most cases, they are not. Even the most subtle things end up occluding my mind until they're intolerable and I'm miserable. It's as though the bad memories haunt me like some unavoidable reincarnation destined to repeat itself until it is resolved. I just can't seem to figure out the resolution.

I try my best to keep an open mind, to understand that all people are going to be similar in some way or another, but in the end I always fail. In my mind, I see the faults that I couldn't dismiss before; things that can't be changed because they're not really faults at all. It's my perception that makes them faults, so all my relationships begin with an insurmountable deficit, even before I've even met the woman.

If only I could get this neurosis under control.