Premature Speculation

I'm not sure how long it's going to take me to completely come to terms with my feelings. Each time I think I understand myself, I'm wrong. Premature speculation. It's not that I'm angry but I do wish that things had turned out differently. I wish I hadn't compromised my emotions so easily, that I'd been more aware of what I wanted. Back then I didn't realize I wanted something that today I realize I could never have, so now I relegate myself to wanting nothing. I don't think this is any healthier for me but it's all I can do right now.