Wishing On The Stars

I feel badly for all the dreams that you should have when you can’t. When I'm laying next to you and all we have in common is breathing; when you're watching the minutes waiting impatiently to rest. I wish I could share my peace with you. I wish I could take you into my arms and give you the worlds that I visit every night. I wish just being near me was enough to make everything perfect.

Reaching

In my dream, we slept on the peak of a mountain overlooking the world. We were at the highest point, and we could see everything surrounding us with enough clarity that it seemed tangible. We did not fall if we reached too far. We could not be divided. The symbolism is obvious; though we may have dilemma and difficulty, together we have determination. Together we can reach for anything.

Same Old Shoes

I've slipped into this new life as easily as my shoes this morning. It fits comfortably, as though it was made especially for me. I don't feel out of place; not like I did a year ago. Back then I didn't know where I was supposed to be, just where I was. And now I know I'm no longer there because I don't recognize anything except my shoes.

Moving

Change is becoming more and more real as days go on. Sometimes it seems too fast, sometimes it couldn't come soon enough.

Memory

I can’t bring myself to describe the horror I felt when I woke up and didn’t recognize her laying next to me. She was as she always was and yet I was disoriented and confused and she was someone completely different. Blinking changed nothing. It was as though when my dream ended I was still in a world that couldn’t be wiped away by closing my eyes. For several seconds, I lived in staggered understanding, slowly gripping a reality that wanted nothing to do with me.

When I’m ancient and my mind begins to fail, I know that life will seem like this same ongoing tragedy. I hope that if nothing else, the first thing I forget is that this feeling is irregular; that there was, at a time, a comfort surrounding me. Forgetting the beauty of certainty would be devastating, but it might make the confusion easier to live with. Especially since life continues regardless.

The Contortionist

Fitting one's self into boxes is a wildly reflective thing to do. You see how the things you've kept have defined you. Maybe they were for sentiment, or desperation, or another reason altogether. Whatever the reason, this is who you are now. This is the person you're leaving behind, the base for new character you can define once again, perfecting the design as you go. You will be whoever you want to be.

Blurring

Where oh where have I been in the last little blur of my life?

I've stopped shuffling my feet. I'm walking now, and I'm confident with every step that I'll continue choosing the right direction as I go. There was never a map to follow so I became accustomed to my usual routes. If I ever feel lost now, I can only blame myself for always taking sanctuary in what was comfortable, for hiding in the shadows of life, scared to make any change. I'm starting to believe that I've never really known myself, just what I was used to. New situations will spark new character, new abilities, new growth.

The past few weeks have been such a blur, but it's helped me focus.