It Is Time For Stormy Weather

Leave it to something so intangible as money to make me feel even worse than I did before my surgeries. I worked for the same company for over five years without any health care benefits of any actual benefit, and now that we’ve finally got something, it may as well just be another superficial concealment of their underlying disinterest in me as anything other than a mindless slave. They excel in providing minimums and demanding maximums, with no room for negotiation. I used to love this job, but now the romance is entirely gone and I’m waiting hat in hand for the rain to stop so I can finally embrace the drought.

Questions

Lately I've been wondering if it is actually possible to maintain a friendship with someone that you could honestly never forgive. At one point does the charade crumble? Is it enough that the past is in the past? Is it possible to trust someone despite knowing the substance of their character within the context of all you've known?

Glowing Before Growing

There's nothing wrong with a little physical pain in life. Indeed, too much may be uncomfortable; but if there was no pain at all, you'd never know you were alive. My hand right now is burned and throbbing and unpleasant, but with the waves of pain come moments of relief. It's the ongoing struggle of suffering for personal growth, because anything worthwhile is worth your will.

Pulse

I think I feel something.

While We Were Sleeping...

She walked downstairs, into the kitchen, and found a handwritten note on the table.

It read:

Dearest,

I'm so sorry for leaving you so early this morning, without saying goodbye, but if this really is the end of the world, I hope that you sleep through it. I unplugged the phones and closed the windows, but if you're reading this, you're awake. I guess you should know what happened while we were sleeping. Please don't turn on the television. It will just upset you.

It started at midnight somewhere in Australia and spread North, growing bigger as it moved. It reached Japan in a few hours, then went West, zigzagging across Asia, covering everywhere. They say it'll be the size of Europe when it gets here. It shouldn't take long by then.

The locusts come first. Millions of them. You hear them coming for miles, an enormous cloud blocking out the sun. Earthquakes shake the world to the ground. If I know you, dearest, you'll want to be outside for this so you don't get trapped alive in the rubble. The wind picks up and brings the spirits. They look like long blurred faces, coming down like hail, flying through everyone. But nobody screams. Nobody feels anything.

I'm so sorry, I couldn't wait. There is a place next to me in the garage, if you're too scared to be alone. But I don't think you would ever do what I had to.

I'll miss you. Know that.

Love always,

M.

She put the letter down, walked to the doorway. There was a hum in the air that she now noticed; she could feel it coming through the walls.

Letting The Cables Sleep

Today, she is an apparition. A vague recollection of a face that is now ghostly, haunting me with the memory of beauty. It’s been so far since we were close, and it makes me nervous to think of her coming back into focus. All people blur together when their appearance is a font; when you can only tell them apart by which words are capitalized and where periods are placed. I’ve known so many fonts in my life and I want to know her more than just through cables and across time zones. I want to know for certain, and in a week’s time, I’m not sure whether or not I will, but at least I’ll have seen her. And that much, at least, is a start.

Worry The World Away

... and then I suddenly remembered what living feels like. It's not just the blood going through your veins or the air passing in and out. It's not the smell of the world changing with the scenery, having the ground directly beneath you unable to keep up. It's not worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. It's somewhere between.

I can't imagine what I'll be in the end and sometimes it doesn't feel like I could change it even if I knew. The immediate is the only thing that changes, the rest is static. Noise. Simple distraction, and of little importance to living. Focus on that, and try a little harder.